Strength, please!

I had this post written on Facebook and totally deleted it by accident!  From now on, I may be just sharing blog posts because it saves as I type. That is so frustrating to do all of that work and just lose it!  My sweet hubby got me a phone yesterday, and we spent a good bit of time today resyncing and restoring to my latest backup.  Looks like the only pictures I lost were a couple I took yesterday right after I got the new phone.  But it was 2 precious pictures of the kids from last night.  We were outside playing yesterday when Sterling asked if she cleaned the playground really good if we could eat outside.  She went to a lot of trouble and even made invitations.  On the invitations it said there would be a show after dinner.  She had a station set up for us to get our drinks and she even put on a puppet show after dinner.  The pictures were of the puppet show and of Trinity and Fisher sitting and watching. They only sat still for 4.2 seconds and I caught it on film!  It was so cute!  You will just have to use your imagination.  But at least now I can start sharing pictures again, no that my phone is up and running.  

Sterling is so talented and creative!  She has a great imagination and free spirit.  It clashes so much with my structured comfort zone, but it's so good for me, too.  I want to be more like that sometimes.  She can make up stories and draw so well.  The Lord has blessed her and I can't wait to see what He has planned for her life.  I pray that she uses those talents to bring Him glory.

Now, get ready for real: Jet lag has kicked my tail, do you hear me?  I have only slept 2-4 hours a night since we have been home.  I go to sleep around 10pm and around 11pm one of the kids cries and BAM I'm up.  I can't go back to sleep until around 3 or 4 am.  Trinity has a cold, so she isn't sleeping too well, and wakes up often, and Fisher is a restless sleeper as well.  We have him in a crib in our room for now.  He tosses and turns a lot and cries out every couple of hours.  When I am lying there and can't sleep, I pray and recite psalms over and over and ask The Lord to give me strength.  I ask Him to help me not to be irritable, but to be extra loving to my family even though I have had little sleep.  And you know what?  He has.  I have not been irritable during the day (I don't think) tired, but not irritable.

I have also been taking a nap every day when the kids do.  Then, a friend of ours who has traveled to China several times, told us that taking a nap would extend the duration of the jet lag.  So today, I didn't nap.  Oh it was hard.  I couldn't sit down, my eyes would literally close all by themselves.  I just had to get up and go outside or do something.  So here it is, midnight, almost 1am.  I went to sleep and as usual, around 11, Trinity got restless and started crying.  She is back asleep, and me?  Wide.awake.  For those of you that know me, you know I am NOT a night owl.  I am an early bird usually.  Early to bed, early to rise.

I want to share the good, the bad and ugly.  I don't want to try to paint this picture that our life is all rosy and beautiful, with children who sleep through the night, smile for pictures every time and never fight.  But I don't want to focus on the bad.  I want to focus on the blessings, which are so many.  This journey of adoption has been so hard.  I was talking to a friend of mine about it recently.  She has adopted from China before as well.  We were talking about the paperwork and the waiting and the traveling.  These are all so hard.  We decided it was like having a child naturally in so many ways.  During the adoption process, the paperwork is painful and tiring, like being pregnant.  It seems like it will never end!  Then once it's over and it's time to travel, there is the excitement of planning and packing and getting ready, like getting ready for delivery.  The traveling overseas is the delivery.  Whether c-section (I've had 3) or regular, delivery is painful, even excruciating.  When it is happening you are miserable and you say you will never do it again.  You pray for God to help you get through it.  Then, once it's over, and you've had some time to think about it, and you look down at your precious child, it doesn't seem that bad, and you even entertain the thought of doing it all over again because you know, when you look at them, it was all worth it.

I know that these times are tiring and a lot of work, but the fruit of the work is worth it, and it reminds me more and more, how desperately I need Christ.  These words from Frank Hall ring true.

"In love, grace, and wisdom, your Savior gave you these cares and troubles--not to see how far you could carry them on your own--but to bring you to the end of yourself. He gave you these cares to show you your inability, your weakness, and your need of Him--that you would cease from your carnal self-confidence and find your all in Him--full salvation, infinite strength, unceasing aid, everlasting sufficiency, and perfect help.  

His power and grace are sufficient for us in all things . . .

  in every trial,

  in every circumstance,

  and in every temptation. 

He will sustain us to the end. He will never allow His righteous ones to be moved. He loves them with an everlasting immutable love! They will never be utterly forsaken or cast down. He . . .

  keeps them,

  protects them,

  helps them,

  preserves them,

  provides for their souls, and

  sustains them freely forever by His almighty grace!

No two things fit more perfectly together, than an all-sufficient Savior--and a needy sinner!"

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you!" 1 Peter 5:6-7