Lessons of a Pharisee

Preparing for an upcoming ladies retreat this weekend sent me looking back at some notes I had from a ladies retreat 8 years ago where I was one of the speakers.  Gosh, at the time, I think I actually felt "qualified" to do that!  I feel much differently now.  After reading what I wrote, the notes from my presentation on spiritual gifts, I sit amazed at the LORD in His infinite goodness and mercy.  I wrote pages and pages of insight into God's Word about Saul and spiritual gifts and the Holy Spirit.  I ended the talk urging others to make Jesus the "Lord of their lives" and to get up every morning to study His Word and spend time with Him.  Funny but I feel like the older I get, the less I know.  I think I must have felt like I had this whole "Christian" thing pretty well figured out.  Do this, do that, and poof!  You've gotten yourself saved!  Coming from a Catholic background, I think maybe it was inevitable.  I mean, we all want the checklist, don't we?  Do this, don't do that, guarantee?  But honestly, I never saw it coming.  I read the parables, the stories about the pharisees and the tax collectors.  I never thought I was a pharisee before.

Recently though, I think I see the light...again.  After 8 years I can say that my morning study time has been a non negotiable.  With the exception of a few days of sickness etc. I have been faithful to commit time to the LORD every morning.  It was something I was proud of, something I felt was a necessity in my life and in the life of anyone who would call themselves "Christian".  I even looked with disdain on those who didn't study their Bibles or have a morning prayer time.  So recently, after several weeks of not getting my morning "quiet time" due to a teething toddler, I was really beginning to get irritable.  I was distraught at the thought of not holding up my end of my salvation, you know?  I never realized, not once, that I was counting on my works, looking at what I was or wasn't doing, as proof or fruit of my salvation.  Don't get me wrong, if you love God, you will love His Word.  You will want to spend time with Him.  But the Bible also says that if you love God you will love others.  This is where my lesson lies.

When I didn't get that quiet time, I blamed not having it for my lack of patience and love.  But in reality, what I needed to learn was that showing patience and love to my kids during the day in spite of only 3 hours of sleep, is just as much "worship" as reading and studying my Bible for an hour in the quiet of the morning.  In fact, its much harder!  It requires much more of me leaning on the Holy Spirit.

For years I never saw myself as a pharisee, because I know that it is only Christ and what He did on the cross that saves me from my sin.  But now I see a pharisee also looks at his works as something that makes him better than others and gives evidence of his salvation.  That what I was doing.